The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
