So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The uberlube is also flammable
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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