So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
