just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
