we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize