I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
