We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
