I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
