oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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