If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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