i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
two words: eviction party
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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