And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
