I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
