I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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