Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
