My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
