I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
