your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
