and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
