Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
