just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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