yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
