just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
