I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
