Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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