Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize