the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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