i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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