woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize