They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
