Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
