please come you make the beer taste better
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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