I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
