Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
