So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I currently don't understand fingers.
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