I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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