I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
