I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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