They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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