dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
