If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drunk is not a location!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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