would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
