On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
