Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
