Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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