She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
