Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
