It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
