please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
