I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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