Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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