I CAN MOONWALK!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
