Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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