Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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