i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize