She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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