i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
