My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
