Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
