I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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