dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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