someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
