Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
