He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
two words: eviction party
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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