How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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