just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
