I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
