he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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