I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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