Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize