im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
