So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
